M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
