I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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