Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
