Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize