Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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