if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
