Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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