I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
