So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
