Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
