He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
