I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Randomize
