Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
