She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
