she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
