I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
