We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
