I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
