Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
