Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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