I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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