i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
