i permit you to call me
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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