I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
