Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize