im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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