I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
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