and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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