I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I can text with my tongue
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
