I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
