I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize