help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Randomize
