so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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