He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
