so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize