I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
