Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
