I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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