I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
