How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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