About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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