He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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