real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
