he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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