Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
