i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm like, not good at living.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
