I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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