So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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