So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Text me some of your sweat
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
