im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
