Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Randomize
