and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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