I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
