remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
