they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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