she sounds like chewbacca in bed
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
