i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
