I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
