I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
