an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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