I will die if light touches me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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