I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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