We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
