What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
