my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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