You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
