ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
