I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize