Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
