Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
