I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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