I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We named our party play list daddy issues
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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