I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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