so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
