Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize