hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
