She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
