butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
