I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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