I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
