All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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