Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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