I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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