Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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