I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
