captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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