Pappa wants mamma naked
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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