you guys were way drunker than both of me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
This house was built for laser tag.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
