That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
