Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
