Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
