There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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