i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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