she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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