Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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