Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize