I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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