I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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