I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
