she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
