there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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