C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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