The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
