Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
