Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
