this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
