I bet he comes in French.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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