I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
