we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize