Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize