Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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