my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
