shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
