he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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