So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
