Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
