he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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