I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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