he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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