I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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