He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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